14 years without alcohol
Today; on November 1st I am celebrating 5,113 Days without alcohol; one day at a time! This truly amazing and an absolute miracle.
On the morning of November 1st 2010 I had had enough. I truly wanted the bonkers behaviour to stop, the unmanageability of my life was the catalyst. I felt as though “everything was a mess”; internally and externally.
I wanted the pain to stop; I didn’t know how to make it stop, but I knew something HAD to and needed to change.
I was just about to turn 39; I was nearly 40. Desperately unfulfilled, yearning to have a healthy relationship, get married and become a Mummy and to find my purpose in life. The pressure I put on myself was tremendous and suffocating. I wasn’t sure any of that would ever happen; I knew deep down it needed to start with me, but I didn’t know where to start.
I came to learn that for things to change, we have to change. That for things to change, I had to change. I had to recognise what wasn’t working and reach out for help.
I won’t bore you with a drunk-a-log or stories about my behaviour, choices and how I compromised every moral that I thought I never would. Nor will I tell you about how unwell physically, emotionally and mentally I was becoming.
What I will say is how (in hindsight) grateful I am for the realisation that I was done and that my Mum was there on the morning of that realisation. Grateful for the relationship I had and still have with her and how I was able to express, without being able to express it in words, that I needed help and that I was in a really big pickle.
“It Does Not Matter How Slowly You Go as Long As You Do Not Stop.” – Confucius
Let’s talk about the UK and alcohol…
According to Alcohol statistics in the UK:
In 2022, there were 10,048 alcohol-specific deaths in the UK, which was the highest number ever recorded. This was a 4.2% increase from 2021 and a 32.8% increase from 2019.
In 2022/23, there were 320,082 hospital admissions in England due to alcohol-specific conditions. This was a rate of 581 per 100,000 people.
In 2021, 9.9 deaths per 100,000 women were alcohol-specific, compared to 20.1 deaths per 100,000 men.
Alcohol has been described as ‘the UK’s favourite coping mechanism’ and many drink to try and help manage stress, anxiety, depression or other mental health problems
This is sometimes called ‘self-medicating’ with alcohol. Unfortunately, although alcohol can help us feel relaxed initially and give us a brief feeling of euphoria, the effects are short-lived and the long-term negative consequences of drinking a lot over a long period of time can be quite harmful and worsen our physical and mental health.
All our journeys and experiences are different, many people can drink “normally”. This however, was never my experience and is outlined in a recent Podcast I did with the lovely Jemma from “Love This Food Thing”. I talk about how I could never do things by halves, all or nothing and how it isn’t just alcohol that presents this challenge for me.
You can listen here if it helps.
How is it today?
Fast-forward 14 years…
Today, my sobriety, my spiritual journey and path are the most important things in my life today. Because without it I wouldn’t have the life I have today, but I know it had to start with me and a willingness; even if I couldn’t see the how, what or when.
I am married to my soul mate, a mummy to a nearly 10 year old and so grateful for my journey, but this all takes work. Work I am willing to do and show up for.
I found this through the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and I am a very grateful member of this incredible fellowship today.
BUT….I had to ask for help, be willing to change and look at my stuff and take responsibility for my life and myself. I had to “fill out the form” as my very wise husband says. No one was coming to save me. I had to show up for myself.
This does not mean that I have been perfect for the last 14 years; far from it; I have made mistakes, I still mess up, but I try my best and love myself today; this is HUGE compared to how it was.
What’s next?
More of the same. If it aint broke and all that.
I am committed to this journey, one day at a time, for the rest of my life and to helping and supporting others too.
I am so grateful to those I have met along the way and have in my life today. Those that have selflessly supported me, shared their wisdom and those I am yet to meet. Those too that are no longer in my life; for whatever reason that may be.
Why share?
I wanted to share this blog in case it resonates for anyone and to help you know you are not alone.
There is help. There are wonderful communities and groups supporting those who want recovery and to get well.
I pray this message helps those struggling with addiction. There is help out there. For free. All you need is a desire for it to stop.
I pray you reach out and have the willingness to ask for help, embrace it one day at a time and find hope and peace. That you find a life beyond your wildest dreams.
I am beyond grateful today.
“I got sober for a better life. I stay sober today because I have one!”
Help is available:
There are many resources available and these are of course very personal. I have added the details for AA below; there are loads of meetings in-person and online and free resources plus people that can help via the phone life. You can also reach out to local GP if you have a good relationship, Rehabs and friends that you know have stopped.
https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/
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My before and after. 2010 versus 2024.
